life beyond me,
filled with mysterious
beautiful things
all the things my limited blindness
can't see
awareness, when beyond this psyche,
I'm freed

investigations
the difference,
the forest from the woods
the fine line between all the "cant'"
and the "could"

been one way
for far too long
opening the wounds
to release the poison,
get on...

acceptance, silence
internal predispositions
to self-doubt, hatred, violence
of the eviscerate my internal state
the fear, the worry i arrived, too late

to recognize, I'm "all in my head"
want, learn to live, before i am dead
learning to listen,
i can hear, listen, him
something in him, somehow speaks
to the thirsty soul,
there is life, sea of stars, beyond me

i never set out, goal
"I'm gonna see people, surroundings
in the negative,"
but reality, hardships, took,
yes, their toll
and "pin holed" the prism,
the telescope of sight, my soul

became from widescreen, panoramic
to something hyper-focused
on "survival mode", no dynamic
ability to see the magic, the wonder
as this scarring scope,
pulled me further inward, and under

the labyrinth, abyss
inner focused, within
all my pain, all my mistakes
all the "wrong path", darkened mistakes

oppressive worlds,
depressive swirls
of the ugly, the shame
an acute inability to thrive
amongst the opportunity, the game

just not my thing, not very good
as in terrible at navigating,
the "how to be" and
"ways of the would"
make it farther if i only could
get past the inherent awkward of me
beyond fractured psyche,
shifts, kaleidoscopic, engulfing
self-distrust, "set me free"

and...then..something..strange..
inherently sweet, nucleus good,
happened, changed

before i knew it, could see
what was happening
he came, arrived
to erase the words, the definitions
the limited perspectives,
rearranged

opened my eyes,
my landscape, self lies
so ingrained, so small, in their scope
brought forth, in his presence
some sort of "moved",
the teardrops whispered... hope

a feeling, vulnerability
i had long left behind
inward introspection
forever stuck, loops,
the past, in rewind

couldn't see much, called little
beyond "self"
not like i found,
amongst this beyond indescribably
beautiful man's dwell

not a god, just so touchingly human
present and sensitive and smart
multidimensional lumens
of light and fight and fearless
to be near this..

man, this wonder of quiet magic,
so powerful
the gift of life, not "things"
not anything,
more than the experience
of a connection, reciprocal
an alignment to the allowable

love.
of opening self
to the treasure, give pleasure
heart, one's inner being, to another
one who, soul essence,
is the "utter" in utterly
unlike any other

I'd ever witnessed, encountered
before
made all of my selfish, fade away
simply, sweetly not mean much
anymore

transcendence
there is so much left to explore..
delicate intricacies of trees, nature
water, open doors..

of mind and care
and newfound"nevers",
turned possible,in his "together",
a blindness, given sight,
strikingly naked, stripped bare

a desirous submission, clean
this engulfing feeling,
he, the worth, in need, hope to please,
opened, the skies, skin of sensual
soul healing

nothing untoward, revealing
a love like i have never quite known
It's real, it's alive
as more inside this transcendence
of tenderness shown..

he, the mystery, unfold
i could not have fathomed
could not have known
upon me, just near him

to the universe, enlightened
in him, i can feel it, if i let it
i am his, in that, i can feel him
like no other,
no, i am not here alone.

future, bright then.

if somehow he will, would
accept, embrace, allow this
there is no definition i can find for it
except, among, within his
extraordinarily beautiful...

bliss.

(this...just is...love, life, hope
masculine mesmerize, magic, heart)

transcendence


bowen hart roselli
27 july 2020
ringwald love 

moving through you,
moving through me
doubting all, that i feel, felt
have seen..

a sensitive soul, here,
a dangerous thing to be
sensitive as in skinless, exposed
to all the things that lie hiding, underneath

things, that most, don't want you to see
things, so haunting, they almost
cannot be believed

by eyes that search and seek,
for escape
of inner world realities
so fractured, lost
in a land full of falsehood and fake

he told me, ominously
"few, if any, have ever gotten as close
to me, as you"
the last night i saw him, face to face,
as with him, he took, all my sky,
bathed in blue

and left, a lingering mystery,
all it's own...
what is this feeling,
in my heart, found, you, "home"

and the sensation, enveloped,
my skin, soul, every pore
"heaven on earth"
as he stood before me, in "adored"

as in, just him being near me,
it filled me,
with some unfathomable feeling,
instilled me..

with some strange notion,
yes, he, "the one"
and now, in his absence
sifting the damage, now done..

as to why we lie, to ourselves,
seem to run
away, in the always,
what we seek, when it comes..
in forms and ways,
we do, and did, not expect
and yet, there we were,
an almost palpable assurance
of what would come next...

this time, for him,
i was the one, standing strong
seeing beyond self, for "the fight"
in it, "long"

the kind called, ending in "haul"
like the "forever", finally found,
in "the fall"
as if ears awakened to the sound,
"heed the call"

to a magic beyond both,
bruised and broken, understanding
seeking out the gods, "heavy lift",
helping handing

as nothing make sense,
as to "why", him, or now
i am haunted, the awareness
this, what "with" feels
when cut off, it's limb
and replaced with "without"

golden-hearted like an angel,
who lies like the devil
his hold, so warm,
when gone, it leaves you
disoriented, disheveled

lies that come, spill naturally
from a man, removed, his true self,
too blind to see

the effect they have, or he has,
proved
by the slain heart, ripped out
and handed to him, moved...

compelled to do so,
in reflection, the mirror
of a connection called "profound"
as if, for the first time,
i couldn't see or feel anything clearer..

and yet, disconnect and disavow
is all he knows
and so, the seeds of deny, deflect,
only grow...

which leaves me, this bleeding
of a heart haunted,
strangely, delicately, hopeful
as here within, throbs a man
the defining definition
of undefinable

as the "otherworldly" whispers
here, the ultimate in allowance,
we love to think we do,
our intellect, opinions offered, shown

but what exactly,
in the madness of logic,
do we really,
in the realm of fate and fallen,
forever, like heaven, truly know?


bowen hart roselli
16 june 2020
ringwald love 

I'm that guy...
willing to walk through the fires of hell
to stand by you, loyal to your light
what is it they say,
"you may not get what you want,
but you might need what you find"..

I'm tired of apologizing that i am a boy..
or a guy as you'd call me..
"man, dude, friend"..
whatever makes you happy
brings you a little bit of joy

in the end they're just words
a language you speak
you never saw me coming, either
do you really know what it is you seek?

in a place where love is lost, like air
can't breathe, any of us
left with a soul,
amongst all the dead eyed blank stares

of those that surround,
little than less, as in zero, to offer,
place of profit, the god over all
hollow you out,
so you can partake in the prosper

none of this matters to me,
more than you
but "bent", as in lop sided
is our relation, shipped truth

I've done all i could
and then did a little bit more
cuz i feel inside, deep, you are worth it,
but tell me, am i really little more
than an "oh yeah, you"
convenience store?

to drop in, out
as you please,
swift and quick
an "affection atm"
that you get all for free
without even having
to whip out your dick

now that's a good deal,
damn sweet, it is
kinda like a dream come true
that you never even had to waste,
a wish

but here's the thing,
i am losing trust, you
there are plenty of ways
to get fucked, yes
that might even include a spread
for the screw

that shit comes cheap, and easy,
not you..
never have i seen you as anything
but remarkable, true

and that's what, yes,
i deserve back too
there is only one of us here
who has not given much,
still has a heaven of a lot
left to prove

of your word,
i am starting to question it's worth
as i walk amongst the trees
follow your footsteps, soiled earth..

trying to understand you
in a way most would not
because i see you
as one in a million

but based on recent history,
you seem to see me as someone
easily "back pocketed", and even easier
forgot

same old story, doesn't work,
not with you
trust is like truth, both begin t-r-u
so figure out if i matter,
somewhere inside,
I've sensed you feel the answer
yes, we both know,
i am, yes, in love with you
and, final time,

it's not my fault, I'm not a girl
but in some ways you still like it
and that doesn't seem
to really matter to you...

but then it does
and you distance me,
back burner

i may be a love fool,
but believe me,
i am quick studied learner

so figure it out,
what you want and can give
cuz even a fool can see
i am gold, as is my love for you
and so I'm calling bullshit
this is no way for the long haul
to continue to give my all
or to live


bowen hart roselli
12 july 2020
ringwald love

 words on the winds of when...

they are said.
the moment, the reason
the context, the "mean them"..

as in too often, not
and most often, forgot
words are the one thing,
come far too cheap,
and require no thought

just spit em out
rare, integrity, taught
to all us brats and bitches in school
the first to go was "that golden rule"

"yeah, gotta get rid of that"
you, fool
the one that drowned, in the belief
deep, the pool

that swarmed with people
just leeches, legal
to get away with the slaughter,
they do
the first "lynch mobbed"
was the soul, in the truth

words, just wiped
like the ass, swiftly psyched
to get it on, and get it over
do anything necessary
for self gain, like a boner

hard and primed, for the pound
pummel, puss puss
or the ass, even better,
cuz if you don't, your a wuss wuss

just speak em, shit em
out, and forget em
only a fool or a retard
believes
when the name of this game
is "all the moment", deceive

dodge, weave
deny, perceive

that nothing you say
has a lasting effect
just syllables forming sentences
frothed and foamed,
at the mouth of the moment

"no regrets"
just as long as you've the ability
to not take them to heart
best not to believe them
and all the better to forget

so if you can remember these words
then mark them well lived,
well learned

"don't forget"....


bowen hart roselli
14 july 2020
ringwald love 

doesn't matter
if I'm straight or I'm gay
cuz you don't give a fuck
about me, either way

doesn't matter
if i swallow when i blow
cuz out of your mind,
i am, when you go

doesn't matter
if i bend, spread, far as possible
cuz wiped, your hands clean of me
once your stain released, washable

no "ancient chinese secret, huh?",
needed.
"calgon didn't take me away",
the gods repeated..

you just left, walked out that door
cuz you can't bring home to momma
a "found and almost fisted once"
faggot friend or slightly semi-honorable ex-whore

one who ate all your shit,
wanted more
ate, as in took,
it wasn't that kind of adore

cuz that's plain wrong,
no matter how you slice it
but i guess, "to each his own"
for the rock, and the roll of the dice, it

took a chance on you
you shot your chute in me
not literally, but figuratively
and now inside you're all i see..

the first to feel, is the one to flee
or so they say, but with you and me
it was the reverse, a curse?
that shit dispelled now, and over

cuz this ain't the end
i have yet to find out,
you, a shower or grower?

i have yet to be grabbed
by the neck, deeply kissed
with the force of a fire,
one that burns, deeply missed

you upon me,
you not wanting to see
that this shit is real
tender, rough, magic found,
"even steven", even keel

torn, us both
but together, quite sweet
so I'll take it,
however you want it,
like it, in the sheets

don't need the nasty
as much as i just, damn, need you
but a little verbal abuse,
wouldn't hurt,
as in call me your fuck boy,
your bitch, when we screw

then love me more after
and treat me right,
cuz I'm yours

and i will, actually
get down on my knees
not only to give you blow jobs
but to properly spic-n-span
the floors

so, take me home to momma,
you won't
but that doesn't mean
that there's doom in the don't...

ask or tell,
it's all fine with me
I'm good, "less please", the labels

and even better without them,

hopefully one day,
you'll see...


bowen hart roselli
7 september 2020
ringwald love

straight to the core,
the essence, my soul
no games, no garbage,
no masks, no roles

your arrow it shot there
and pierced, unexpected
absolutely nothing
the same since
looking out, all reflected

as being either
stupid and meaningless,
hollow, detached
or the opposite
three dimensional
electric ebullience, unmatched

new discoveries
puzzle pieces, foliage
forest trails, hideaways
blind to so much
and never realizing, knowing this..

you
have the most beautiful face
i have ever seen
mysterious, majestic
eyes, lips
fascinating beyond belief

seems we are opposite,
but in wander ways, the same
my emote, your remote
this heart, now yours,
bruised yet emboldened
tumultuously tamed

don't want it?
don't know
cannot change it
the truth is, has only grown

a force, a fire
blazed far beyond me
all i know is all i see
and i see you, feel you so deeply
so delicately, profoundly
utter, "the other", bathed in
brilliance, beautifully

your silence
treading torturous
yet all i know, want
"more of this"
with a "please" so genuine,
raw, and pure

i know you can feel it
not used to it, me, unsure
what to do with, make of it
the mark

you never intended
but it's here now, your art
tattooed, branded, invisible ink
some things, like stars
just are, no need overthink

beyond sex, beyond skin
beyond time, beyond end

you,
the most incredible, indelible
my sky
all i do is search for words
but they all come back to
beautiful
that's why

i can't and don't
look away or stray
like an intricate novel
not a one act play

there are two here, yes
as in, this involves the within
of taken, and so into you, me

you
have changed me
altered me
surrounded, entranced
the tallest trees
as i gaze up, awestruck
you, the tallest one
in my universe now

you
are all i see

unwaveringly.

acceptance of truth
the center, now placed
i never came, come harm you
dismantle, disarm you

all i wish, all i hope
this heart, your allowance
yes, it's yours
and i feel, sweet somewhere,
you know it

so just let it be and breathe
covet, love it
and without words

claim and own it.

not dirty, not unworthy
not like anyone or anything
come before

you
the most beautiful man
i never knew i would know

there it goes, back to beautiful
the last word on my lips
spoke with depth drowning assurance
that i can ever be, in complete,
hold of confidence

you
all i hope
one day
to be in the presence, passion of again

that's all that matters to me now...
a man, because i can say that

without reservation, fear
or any ounce, trace of doubt

you.

the love pour
i shine, bleed
contusions a condition

still, i get up again
stand
and give out,
heart swells, the admission

more
of this unending, soul sending
beautiful you

adore.

with your unplanned, unasked
yet all seeing eyed,
silent knowing

permission.


bowen hart roselli
17 september 2020
ringwald love