it's kind of amazing
the things we survive
a shrug of the shoulders,
rear view mirror, look behind
talking to ourselves, saying
"i guess that's just life"..

we are so terrible, borderline awful
to each other
awful, no not "traditional sense"
just in the sheer succumbed to state
utter, infinite selfishness

ego first, it seems, last, always
"gain for me", at the expense, faces
fall aways...

of anything, anyone
"too present", "too there"..
ask jesus, he knows
greatest sin, "too much care"..

for another, anointed
by the broken, disjointed
body tied mind, tied sensitive
tied kind..
we, these, "the ones"
most likely lost here
as in out of our fucking
"think, feel for ourselves" minds

because
who has the thought,
who has the time
when "self" is all one sees
in the mirror,
the camera, the image
the illusion, now clearer

than the blur of actual,
factual reality
those so loyal, present to you
the first to be ripped apart,
the last to be glued

back together,
this "now or never"
place, little trace
of continuity, grace
upon the fragile, tender, of time
it's stab, grab what you can
and "it's all good" if all the good
it is mine

spotlight hoarded
little to no realized,
real remorse, this..
reality we all end up, the same place
so few, true, remember us
if not in your face, gone,
little to no, romanticized trace

and all of our bullshit
what, exactly, the purpose of it?
soundbites, detached nights
"pathologically positive"
more the frenzy, less the fight

to maintain, sustain
the soul, something real
something, so damned then
real fear is that which struck you
sweet sided, to feel

feeling reserved
for the perfectly posed
and placed, "next to no one"
it's destroy the heart, hurry it up
and drop the knife, flee, faster
on the run...

the road to nowhere, ruin,
what have you...
if amongst the no one's you can't see,
the one, remained steadfast
in their love for you,
a "once in a lifetime" belief

friend or foe
can you tell the difference?
does it matter, if it demands
consideration and care
the ability to be human,
it's such a waste of time,
a hindrance

what with texts, returned, to avoid
and games of gain to rejoice
and phone calls to never make
and so much "get and grab"
for the take

so are you my fate?
or my fatal mistake
can't get past you, can't give up
because before, amongst you
i felt something
I'd never truly before experienced
something in multitudes,
layers of love, emotion,
mysterious

the weight of wind mixed with earth
mixed with stars, soaked the skin

and i heard a voice inside, unknown
that whispered,

"my god, i can't believe it...
i can feel something so different now, this encounter with him"..

(and how did this happen?
in his torturous absence
that question devours me daily
all the self doubts and maybe's..

but...."maybe not's"..
let time and patience prevail,
no "forgot"...
to say or do the things, "lived truth"
fearless and fire blessed,
it all begins and ends, here

beyond me, become you...)


bowen hart roselli
1 september 2020
ringwald love

care but don't care
aware but unaware
stop to love you
stop to care,
careful, whom your heart
stripped bare...

most are only casual,
the "come on",
"over here",
"the rub", to rub on...

one dimensional waters, rise
say anything once, twice
lacquered, slacker, "easy take" thighs

it's all about "the smooth",
and "the flow"
as in who you choose
to know and go

with and to and forth,
south, north
"no regrets", so no remorse
sentenced, "slick"
think "salt lick", horse
salivate soon, says
"suck on this", source

lemons, limes
nickels, dimes
chunks and hunks
chanced, chosen time

cocks and blocks
so schooled, "hard knocks"
better, "whatever-ed"
bathed, "on the rocks"

liquor, come quicker
the thin of the thicker
the bitch of the bicker
the lick of the sticker

stamped, so tramped
and walked upon, "wow"
it's live for the moment
get what, and whom, you can now

as in "get with the program"
or "get lost", get going
who is in front, manned
the boat you are rowing?

who is in charge?
as you capsize, hit the barge
breakdowns for breakthroughs
show you
"shit shows for shine throughs"

...what choice do i have?
really, just the same as you..
nothing left to fear, so to lose
nothing impassioned, left to say,
so, to prove...

so mean it all
if you're willing, able, to fall
and save your last dollar
for when destiny calls

you might need it,
believe it
you just never know
which body, before you,
can withstand all the blows

whom, the piper, you will pay
a tithing, a token
a "yes, please", want to stay
to gain "the get"
to whom "have, hold" is your way

uncompromised.
more smile, less despise
more pleasure, so prized
more reveal, less disguise

anymore
what choice do i have?

in the end, it begins
when

all you have to do

is ask....

(or take, no mistake,
maybe..."too honest",
but nothing was it ever "half baked"
or faked)....


bowen hart roselli
30 august 2020
ringwald love

free the heaven
trapped inside of me
if only you could see,
the things i see

the remarkably beautiful
amongst the destructive and dutiful
ones without minds, inside their heads
how they make me hate this world
walk, wishing i was dead

all the ones for whom words
are almost, as in never,
attached to their hearts
all the shit speak and shit talk
murdered, love, language
as a cherished work of art

all the endless bodies,
people everywhere
piled more and more
on top of each other
as daily, to extinction
are the humans who care

about the innocents, the animals
trees, nature, real life
things not digitized, filtered to frenzy
cartooned, dumpster dived

opinions and imbecility
tossed and thrown everywhere
as if most are listening,
amongst all the "me, me, me",
stop to care

back to the brilliance,
removed from the bull
it's found, in mystery, the universe
and in "the rare", that are full

of passion and character,
uniquely their own,
the ones that slay you love struck,
you are not here alone

away from the ever growing
technology onslaught
and another fucking mall
to sell all our souls, clearance sale
pre-priced, bought

there are some
who are just...so...
utterly gorgeous, in glow
demand, you be stopped
in your tracks, "need to know"

be around them,
sweet confound, them
as in "how..in..the..world..
this gross society, they exist.."

that's the magic, yes it is
like the breath that you blew out
the candle, didn't know them, the wish

because once real love found
is one really ever the same,
in the after?

glow and show
and know, the divine
actuality of state
"give you mine"...

my heart, my hope,
my "anything you need"...
this, the sweet, soul shine
a sustenance no food can feed

a succumb, remove the numb
remove the skin and begin again
believing, just maybe,
beyond all the shit,

"hmmm, there just might be,
something to, the something to this"..

thing called a journey,
some call it a path

and i walk with them,
swell of love, locked inside of me

their incredible, irreplaceable etch
their is, without question
no need, dare to ask..

the why?
and what?
and how?

none to speak..

the most awe inspiring awareness..
the beautiful ones, things
you never planned to find,
did not dream, search their seek

they just came, and appeared
and for that, i kneel
the profound, the endeared

for a life i now cannot imagine
stay here, without them...

for 32 years
there was only one guy,
two girls

and now...

there is him.


bowen hart roselli
4 september 2020
ringwald love 

 


imaginary lives
or
the one that isn't mine
what is the secret
what is it like?

most would think, this
a complete waste of time
lucky you then,
those who haven't thoroughly
and completely lost their mind

from being so sick,
so tired, being you
as in me, all i see
through this prism of psyche, bleed
the greatest day and joy
of my life, will be the day I'm
gone, as in "over", released

so come on, tell me
cuz I'd really like to know..
a life beyond the bedroom, hollow
easy cum and sleazy go
quick to fall to my knees
and blow
oh wait, holy shit...
that was like, twelve lifetimes ago..

sorry, the time, it escapes me,
a blur
why I'm still here,
don't ask me, not sure..

i can't "get a grip",
i can't gain a grasp
on what exactly my purpose,
my "good"
as in "good for", so i wander
feeling, thinking i should..

be more "this",
be more "that"..
just can't seem to find my place
where it's at..

i have a talent for torment
and tears..
and look where it's got me,
living trapped, lost in fears...

of aging, war waging
and "do you hate me yet?", engaging
prone to emotions,
intense on scale
somewhere between "love me"
and "fuck it all", cross so nailed..

to my back, sewn, self-imposed
the reasons why, really
nobody knows..
least of all me,
this hunger to be skyward
and free...

just always been a "creepy crawly"
thing, woke up one day,
realizing i was me...

a geek, a freak
a fag, a lag..
behind the boys
and girls too..

in the bushes i learned
i was at least, kinda good for a screw
and that bent me up..
cuz "what did that position, from behind
have anything to do with finding love?"

it didn't, me idiot
but i kept on going..
same direction, downward,
the spiral
perfecting my "good boy"
prince of bending and blowing..

so now that's all dead
and buried, for years..

and i wonder what it's like
to get together with a gang
and have a few beers..

to be the life of the party,
quite charming
to have the kind of charisma
so captivating, confident, disarming..

to be so handsome
i could have anyone, anything
i want
i will never know these things,
so let me put it straight, and blunt

when you live inside
your own skin, mind forever
it's like a prison you long to escape
but can't, ever

except for the magic,
fucking miracle
called love
yet even that, like starvation
is never quite the enough,
for enough...

to bare the weight of
always attempting
to be human here
as in better, stronger, noble
of character
when nothing will ever
justify my merit, worth..

so "fuck it", faster
and forget me, quick
lay me down, lay it on,
good and thick

imaginary lives,
imagining what it's like to be you
that's so much better,
so much more fascinating, true

and with that, I'll get back to it
so thanks for listening
and hooray, now
I'm through...


bowen hart roselli
4 september 2020
ringwald love

make me a candle
that burns, in remarkable,
your beautiful name

make me the wick,
strong stock, unwavering
or make me the flame
golden fire, succulent, savoring

every split second,
every moment, like sacred
that it heals and touches, with hope
nothing impossible,
in the nectar, so naked

with hues of heart
and tenderness, joy
no worries, no fears
whether the limbs belong
to a girl or a boy

just human emotion
filled, pure light, devotion
rarely experienced, rarely ignited
as your candle i would be
something to believe in,
take comfort and flight in

no flounder, no past,
just release, relief at last..
from all the things
that prey on your mind,
the wounds you won't admit
that cause a shift, a stray,
silent kind

just peace, in the inner
and star glow, in external
memories that don't serve your worth,
cast out, like photographs
tossed here to ash,
regions, rightful, infernal

a lifeline of light,
may that be me,
for you
a candle or otherwise
yes, you are my dream come true

through the dark wood I've walked
and found myself lost
and though marked by it,
far from it, perfect
i somehow found my way
to sun's soft

glow that gave me
a feeling, real strength
and taught me,
for a fellow fighter, human
to go the real distance,
to go any length...

to recognize, the rare
gorgeous heat, heart of you
beaming down,
soaked, surrounded
real warmth, bursting through

all the things you do, don't say
all your duality,
delicate meets daring ways

all your fear, equally fearless,
the same
all your "uncompromising",
yet easily "took", by some, led
therefore tamed...

in ways you may
look back and regret
let me not be one of them
you, simply too resplendent
to ever betray, let alone forget

as capture is to captivate
and "belong to" is a divine gift, state

the candle i would be for you
would not dim, like the
"found you" in fate

it's a second, a heartbeat
i could never have foreseen or known
and though worlds apart now
with, and in me, you will always
have a home...

because the lessons
you've taught
and the truth you've shown
cannot be overstated
underestimated,
all the things unknown

that i never knew
until i laid my heart,
eyes upon you

may sound stupid,
may sound trite,
but for me, it's the truth
good to know when I'm wrong,
even better, when I'm right

so say, or don't
and think and feel
what you will
but the candle,
i am, would become for you

it, a life of it's own
nothing time, or distance
or removal can kill

as it's lit in good
and burns with love

because i never knew
in full spectrum of light
in the darkness, smiled a star
just one, tiny, from above

and it led me to you
and for that,
i shine more brightly
in your illuminance, within me

and amongst.


bowen hart roselli
7 september 2020
ringwald love 

how much does matter
matter anymore?
it doesn't seem like it matters much
or maybe it matters
too much to me, i am such...

a serious fuck
too often at the cul-de-sac
"shit outta luck"

a dead end, i thought
could've been a road, a new begin
a fool of heart and hope, my sin

it matters if it matters to you
what you see and feel, go through
the ones i love, the very few
to various degrees, in varying hues

of color, shape and light reflected
a deeper divine of spirit, soul detected
let's be honest, some, yes,
matter more than most
depends on whom, your heart,
you take in and host

and how many, of course
how much room,
you've got left inside you
land of ever expanding insanity, doom

so much chaos, so much crazy
the ones numb and blind to it,
kind of amazing...
how they can sleep,
get by, "on the fly"
like nothing matters at all
so they don't even try

to make things matter
like manners, human kindness
"must be nice", to live
a perpetual state,
brainless and blinded

cities savaged and ravaged
burned to the ground
looted and left for dead
in the name of "let's protest"

yeah, and how does looting
and lighting shit on fire, really help
it doesn't, but gotta blame
your garbage behavior on everyone else

because it's not about
who anyone, anymore, is inside
if there is one even left,
behind the color of skin,
cover of culture, and eyes

real world problems,
complicated and deep seeded, yes
shit swept under the rug,
that needs proper truth and address

but how, do that
in a world so absorbed in
the pawn and the profit of "me"
and "my cross is
the only one that matters,
all i see"....

cuz it's a lie to say
there is that "melting pot,
great american", that used to be
what we ascribed to, what we believed

it's my culture versus your culture
and let's play
"who's the new villain, vulture"
expect everyone to bend
and take it in the ass
to make it easier for you
to feel catered to, get a pass...

there is shit stain on, amongst
every culture, every color, every race
and a blank look of "dead inside"
across too many a pair of eyes
with a permanently glued
phone on their face

people that have no concept
anyone else exists, but them
it's all around us, a disease
infectious, noxious, so then...

when does it matter?
beyond "far too left and far too right"
no nestling of nuance
whose got the attention span,
whose got the time?

its "out for me"
and "only me, mine"
that's called the modern age,
"human condition"
and it's begins and ends
with that thing we're all supposed
to have, called "an inside"...

things like character, consideration
they have died
empathy, compassion
killed, left slaughtered by their side

its exhaustion and overload
using each other as excuses
and entertainment
as punching bags and
poster childs,
"this diagnosis, let's glorify
and blame it"...

and gotta create more labels,
"look at me"
glom on, hold tight
desperate,
"so special, without them,
no identity, me"

cuz really, all that matters
is not a hell of a lot
of anything, anyone, to many..

except maybe who they're fucking,
their family and two, three real friends,
away from social media, yeah right
that means best guess one, if any

this, just the way it is,
It's called "here"
as in life, amongst
the very few ever truly know you,
care if you live, die or exist

so if that matters,
cherish whatever,
whomever, that matters

because it matters only,
if it matters to you
and maybe, like a miracle
you will find someone else

that shit actually matters,
from the "human on the inside",
rare state of being
mindful, loving, passionate, soul
sensitive to the "give means receiving"

and that matters
because without one
there could never exist

the beautiful bond, then,
of two


bowen hart roselli
6 september 2020
ringwald love