every avenue explored
every leaf, overturned
the urge, the instinct
find me a patch of dirt
under the safety, sanctuary
towering trees
and break my will,
to these bruised bones
thoroughly
devoured, disintegrate
into the soil
will i finally then be visible,
once invisible?

and let me face every horrid truth
the selfishness of others
under all the smiles, "nice words"
all the words, that's just what they are
empty of action,
devoid any real lasting,
encapsulating passion

of skin and limb
to heart and mind
so few of us left here
the "put you before me",
"soulfully sensitive kind"...

and let me own every misfire
every "my fault", how I'm wired
to believe in things now fallen away
inner character means little
than less here, best to learn quickly
this "out for self only" game

and let me go then, smiling
last breath, cracked skin, lips
as i told you, i never belonged here
it was the truth as I've been shown
over thinking, over dreaming
over feeling, the meaning

the value, importance of love
tenderness, tumultuous
the divine attempt, work involved,
it's profound, yet preyed upon significance

yet i loved with all my being, my heart
i guess, "the fool" i claimed it, my part
to play here, scenarios, scenes
inside this film, haunted brain

once devoured by the earth
i will have the final freedom
to fly and flourish
wings of remembrance
my blindness,
the power of your beautiful
upon me,
some star it will shine, see
me as home, worthy of the covet
and lifelong quest, for release
within the honorable hurt,
bleed, no more "brutalize"
amongst it's "yes", want of me,

realized, then so claimed.


bowen hart roselli
11 november 2020
ringwald love 

wired wrong,
gotta be strong
most don't care,
beyond the surface,
aware....

"put you first",
here, it is rare
land of show and tell,
not share

as in mutual,
energy exchange
narcissistic, now normalized
and "sensitive sanity", deranged

it's excuse and blame
and game after game
invited all, the party
but nobody came...

because it was, the kind,
based in soul
as in honest conversation,
no costumes, no roles

too late, the "wake up"
like the model, photographed
without any make-up
funny, our vision and blindness,
the same
a "child of the wild",
that could never be tamed...

to realize, to learn
how success is obtained
"mask on, sealed tight"
with a smile, ever ready
everything here, a stage,
for the fright...

the one called the fight,
oh, they love competition
better, if beautiful
you are, by definition...

"camera ready",
just hold it real steady
take it, fake it
angled and mangled
the meaningful magic,
keys to kingdoms, so dangled...

cuz you're no one,
'til someone
decides that you are
then suddenly
look!, you're a god damn star!

made of paper or tinsel
or plastic, who cares
just as long as the machine
grinds you whole, gets you there

where, exactly?
well, "the right side",
tracks, lasting
as long as they say
you worthy and bankable
'til the sheen of your shine,
it starts to wear off,
and your light dims, burns dull

"can't have that"
but you did, once have me
every star in the sky,
it was you, i did see

until you gave,
as in gave up, on me
taught me, real heartbreak
is the fall of you,
in your "finished with" me

took me awhile,
to grasp, yes, it happened
my slow walk to death row
in your eyes, heart, so fastened

on to the next,
buckled up, belt, your seat
some sorrows, they linger
past the end credits, complete

finished films, final chapters
"applause, applause"
you smile pleased, from the rafters

of the theatre
in the mind, silent words
they speak, yes, in volumes
answer, my final worth...

to you, to her, to him,
just a whim
of your will, in the moment
a cheap rental, never worth
real investment, called "own it"

the truth, the bond,
the believe, the deceive
and we wonder why "never mind"
is so easy to stockpile,
and even easier, achieve

survival of the fittest!
at any, all cost
just don't forget the "i love you",
without effort, action, tossed off...

it helps alleviate the pain,
that is, if you feel it
careful, next time, it could be you,
someone steals it

your "vulnerable",
your "wonderful",
that thing called a mind,
inside that muscle,
meat in your skull

just like that cup,
you know,
"half empty, half full"...

the shove out the door
"felt it", more push, less the pull...

still, in the silence
dead of night, i remember
all the hard work, not really
it took for you, to dismember

the beautiful
that became, once, us
just a little thing, called love,
called trust

guess it's more easy to find,
than i thought

some wisdom, through wounds
it must be learned,
it cannot be taught

so go forth, good man, soldier
and try not to cry,
once exhaustion hits, older
you are and you feel
in a lifelong quest to retain
a heart beat and heal

just maybe, one day
he'll come back and he'll stay
but never, now,
will you be, quite the same

as you walk forward without him
he's here to stay, deep within you
loved...remarkably

beyond you...your pride, your doubt..

with him, your soul, lost and found..

either way.


bowen hart roselli
14 november 2020
ringwald love

how alone
we are, in our fragile little worlds
excuses as insights,
selfish "stay shallows", like
pawns, shopped, our pearls

of wisdom for "want it less"
as more here now,
land of fear, of truth,
pleasantries, lies, as "confess"

how easily
we toss each other aside
the laws of love and nature
we simultaneously betray and abide

if it suits the pursuit
in the moment
we own it
and if it doesn't
we shun it
walk past or run it

away, cast out
no time, thought
"last rites" delivered,
with barely even a piss or a pout

label me a failure
and just get on with it..

what the look back reveals..
that's essentially the short,
and everlasting long of it

been plenty wrong about shit
and paid the price, now sick of,
here heart haunted, i sit

wondering...
was i wrong about you?
yeah, "been one too many of those"
stains the magic 8 ball shake,
"yes or no", fuck "maybe", the truth

so lets just chalk it up
to choices, poor, made
seems a lifetime of those
has left me, "the look forward", fade
here i look back and see
you are long gone...
wish you'd stayed

to realize our "world's collide"
all the unexplored moments
the promise of things,
yet to come, shame, we hide

truth,
it saves.

or so they speak,
as in, they say
instead, another autopilot,
"lost life" day

gone, and spent
looking back, and for what?
best, the turmoil, when turned,
within, signs of scars, wounds shown,
when to give up

give in,
another gone,
ever really there?

what the look back reveals
i cannot say,
broken becomes us
well, it seems..

pursuits of self,
glorified

blinded,
the headlights' glare

but never will i forget
the love pour, seen
your indispensable,
"feelings felt" stare

it may have been brief
but yes, it was there

now gone

drown, my insides
alone

I'm aware.

what exactly are we doing here?
says the one who overthinks
but thinks of you, nonetheless

some of us, to detriment
think of others more, "the care"

it's not something planned
i guess, the purpose served
for each of us here,
brought forth, beyond beatings

of the ego, the heart
the mind, little innocence

spared.

bowen hart roselli
14 november 2020
ringwald love 

ripped myself, deep and wide, apart
like a masterpiece, your work of art
did it because there is only one you
here, us, the film titled,
"seductively screwed"

because you either know
and love it, or you don't
double feels, double minds
your will's say you won't

but then they switch
and "fuck it", you'll lay claim
and stake it
the depth of my love
the kind deep, true,
yes, you'll take it

while too many play,
as in fake it, forsake it
I'm always there, all your "you"
yes, I'll take it

the good, the bad
the happy, the sad
the mixed up mangle maul
that is your head
all the endearingly sweet anything's
i remember every syllable
you've said

because it's you,
not like any, ever other
you're one part brother,
and one part lover

you're two parts angel
and two more devil
all your mixed message madness
destroyed the playing field
the rule book burned, leveled

at the sky, the stars
that you own
man of a lifetime, fascination
now my heart, head your home

free to partake and pillage, at will
some forces are the things of which
all the words and "wander aways"
cannot kill

don't know why it's you,
it just is
didn't see your face
when i made my last wish

didn't know you'd appear
and reign down like a storm
shatter every illusion, every concept
of norms

norms as in normal
you are not, in the least
now here i sit, as if trapped by a fate
that you sealed, done, complete

couldn't escape you
run away, if i tried
the most beautiful man
i never planned to lay down and die

for and with and bleed, such a need
to consume every bite of the soul
sustenance you feed
is this real or am i insane?
you'll forever plead the fifth
and devilishly smile as i crawl
search for the truth, all attempts,
found in vain

twisted me,
all the pleasure marked pain
the kind, me so honored
to take on all, as in any, your strain

the kind that only you can heal
cuz you're the only one
thoroughly i am soaked in, can feel

in a way that makes me, literally
crazy for you
crazy because you know crazy, cuckoo
well too

never felt so safe
and surrounded by understanding
but surprise!, came unmasked
the side of you, silent avoidant
reprimanding

keep me at bay, arms length,
your discretion
always leaving we filled
with unknowing, wonder, and questions

you said you knew and loved it
my obsession
didn't know that included
in exchange, my repression

ability to grow with you
in whatever form, "our thing"
like a bird with a song
trapped inside, unable to sing

this can be whatever you want
light and dark
just tell me which space
you want me occupied, parked

cuz yeah, you got me
no matter, "the what"
raw, real and remarkably
without hesitance or front

that's not something i feel
anyone but you
don't lie to me, tell me
you don't feel it, know it's true

can't separate the sky
from it's entwined color blue
just like you can't take away
the part of me that's devoted to you

mind, body, soul and hole
for you, I'd pay any price, any toll
already signed the papers,
dotted line, sold my soul
and i did it willingly, compellingly
happily, for you to own

not in "psycho bitch bad"
I'll admit, a bit fucked up,
our situation, us, a tad
but it is what it is
and I'm on board, just admit

that you like it, you feel it
somewhere inside
that "many mask" mind and heart

my love for you, made of stars
and pure truth, like fire, in forever

it's the shit.


bowen hart roselli
28 october 2020
ringwald love

 
simultaneously

i am a heart
occupying a body
inside bone
underneath skin

i have a pair of eyes
that convey the within
one's that simultaneously
express truth and lies
with and amongst, the best of them

i have lips that speak
from said heart, that beats
and private parts
involved in dark/light things
secrets known to strangers
within the realm of "lost time" sheets

i have fingers
that write
express, it seems,
what many, you, cannot
and a mind well haunted
by experiences, faces
framed in fractures
that time forgot

i have a soul
filled with holes
leaking the light
and the darkness, so sold
a universe inside
of stars, many faces
hung, heaven, hopeful
so many, here gone
but how they've left
such indelible, undefinable traces...

i have an energy, an aura
just like you
some of us scarred though
with an insanity called
"see right through"..

that is, of course,
if i am seen, at all
i am acutely aware,
the fate of which
i seem so destined to fall..

it's the last invisible
for which separation from it
not remotely divisible
from the equation that equates
what i am
sum total here, a freak
and even less so, a man

It's the chord, the calling
of love, swelled, inside
the few fallen faces
of a beautiful, felt magical
and so, "spell" compelled,
as if by gods, to abide

inescapable
born, a black/blue bruise
called "quite rapeable"
that i was, and that i am
disavowed, the one with pure intention,
outreaching hands

hands attached to limbs,
lived for silent soaked walking
in equal to all the time spent
emotive, heart/sleeve intense, talking

all said
measurements sized
and summed up, with this
i am little, to less than
nothing here, in your memory
placed, bliss

verging of unnecessary
i occupy a space, temporary
the one where loved and adored
comes and goes
the one where the split screen inside
bleeds and flows

back and forth
like the wind through the trees
my only stabilization
is a place well worn
called down on my knees

for praise and devotion
a worshipful ocean
a state, it seems,
comes so easy, for you
the state called connection
to other forces, faces, bodies
so many interests, so many friends
collected, hobbies

yet for me
that couldn't be
further from the truth
as evidenced in the reality
i remember, remarkably well
human traveler, a mystery, you

yet i know, am aware
the same does not go for me
simultaneously
in you

strangers, we are
came upon, lived and died
and how, weathered storms
yes, i gave my all and more,
as in tried

to little/no evidentiary avail,
the ship sails simultaneously
one heart wins, as another one fails

beyond the scope of reason
and pale

simultaneously
in shadows
we hide and hope
for some sense of sacred
an intimacy, life expectancy
beyond expiration

beyond the vain and the vacancy

prevail.


bowen hart roselli
27 october 2020
ringwald love 

 nobody's lover,
nobody's god
nobody's wake up
in the morning, kiss sought

nobody's angel
nobody's light
nobody's desirous, of me
hold them tight

nobody's last thought
before drifting into dreams
nobody's "most wanted"
pin up guy, poster boy
to take to heights of heaven
unforeseen...

all the things I've died, felt for others
over ten lifetimes of "fallen knees",
lovers

to be ones' self here
and be it, true
dangerous, "destroy me then",
apparently the lesson,
time and karma have proved

who knows why,
who knows when
in private, deep down
we all pay prices, well practiced
our sins

and not some kind,
based religion, or "righteous"
just all the little things
accumulated, amassed
over lost days and lifetimes

tiny, shitty selfish gains
and subtle "shouldn't do to them"
shames
but "fuck it", right?
no evidence it matters
those twice used and "couldn't resist",
left here shattered

their fault, my fault,
your fault, ours
to each his own compass
navigation system,
how to get, reach for stars

and those "didn't make it"
well that's then, on them
we, "the people", problematic
pawns to each other's
self gaining whims

but screw me
for "speak to me"
of that light, mysterious, within
that ray, so gentle, clean, razor thin
that somehow ignites, beat of heart
love begin...

it exists here, in "yes"
and with a little more vulnerability
than we'd like to confess
just as some of experience
some exchange, souls, like sex
when felt, fires flourish
a real communion with another
whether or not, clothes undressed

problem is, it's acutely quite rare
too many liars and loveless, aware
too many takers, for the "uplift"
themselves
to many "sold offs", like cheap stocks
brokered, hell

"this for that",
your tits, my tat
my "welcome", your mat
"let's be honest", what's that?

so what's all this hiding,
all this masking here, about?
i can't tell you, I'm not yours
you my "with" wish, without

basis of fact.

louder than words,
your now caught, as in "act"

actions severely
more filled with a lack
of anything remotely, real caring
deck stacked...

against me
my blindness
engulfed in the memory
the "so touched" by your kindness
kindness that vanished
faded away, slow, the drip

yet all i could see
you, "the believed"
with the most beautiful lips...

ones i dreamed, be "the end all",
your kiss
but instead all i felt,
was your deceptive doublespeak fist

courage, it takes
to be nobody's, and know it
even more so, to live with it
walk alone here, and own it

nobody can help me
out of my, "yours" abyss
so with that, may i leave you,
like you fooled me, with this...

i may be "nobody's"
and most, no "belong" now,
found, you...

but at least i am capable
of knowing, what is lasting
called truth

something, you,
so "everybody's" wanted
has never had the strength
to, of yourself, be confronted

so please, play your game,
as you've mastered it well
but careful, the day
it catches up with you,

time will tell.

and all the "played"
that you cast out, fell, your spell
somewhere inside,
may it eat you alive
all your lies, where they dwell...

i know what i speak
because mine caught up with me
as well
the day that i met you
and didn't realize, the process
of my undoing, fate
the slow, aching "for you"

i fell.

and with that, you, the mirror,
of all the lies of a lifetime

I've been telling

myself.

we, the only two, in those rooms
all those months, together

but truly, it was just me, it seems

my heart, my affection

and nobody

else.


bowen hart roselli
23 october 2020
ringwald love