trying to do the best i can
to be a semi-decent, considerate man
i'd be that too, if i were a woman,
some souls, here, are worth the proving

that "matter", yes, it really does
world of jaded, exhausted, was
once a place, we all, were kids
dreams, like skies, big, made a wish

upon the stars, we all did, once
before we "grew up",
found masks as "fronts"
to protect ourselves, a world of danger
called "fuck you, what do you want?,
you're a stranger"

because we've all been taken and took
hooked and booked and sadly mistook
by a society that pretends
"we're all one"
then demands you assimilate
or you're "no fun"

i once was one of the "popular kids"
did anything, everything
like patrick bateman, to "fit in"
and we all know what happened to him
went "american psycho",
killed again and again

or did he?
could've been all in his head..
"don't stare at it, eat it", as in pussy,
he said
he said a lot, that actually made sense
an outsider on the inside
and no matter what he did,
they barely seemed to remember him

sure, what he said,
left to the voices inside his head
thoughts that some of us get, relate
introverts, oddballs, those prone
to an averse to society,
"outsider" state..

so how did i, go from "popular" to not
some evils, they cannot be forgot
three friends, yes guys
decided one day
to go from "like" to "damned", despise
and tell everybody i was gay,
junior high

back then it wasn't a playground
of "embrace"
shit like that, was the "the scarlet letter",
with an "h"
as in hated, avoided,
spread like wildfire
obliterated, any chance to be
"one of them", "the admired"

i went from "inner circle"
to "circle jerk" full,
of "dicked around", mocked,
laughed at, beaten
utterly humiliated, banished
defeated

the worst part?
i never did, said anything
to those guys
about my inside, "guy love" thing
problem was, i just wasn't "right"
enough for them,
so destroy me, they tried

but all it did
was split me apart
and i road that train
like a work of art

"fuck you, one
and fuck you, all"
the pretty little "perfects"
who stomped on me, laughed
as they watch me fall

i had no friends,
i had no one, at all
and it's here i found
a new avenue, it's call

away from "the crowd"
and to "the few", i found out
were just being themselves, god forbid
freaks and "crazy ones",
those on "the fringe",
looking out, at "the in"

the truly profound,
intelligent and wise
the ones with the lonely sadness,
etched deep in their eyes

because this place
isn't as pretty, as it seems
for as many pure dreams,
there are those of ulterior motives
and schemes

navigating it all, can be quite rough
gotta stay strong inside,
on the outside, walls tough

tricky, "the try",
who to sense, safe, "let in"
fear, betrayal of intimacy
from the latest "love" or new friend

that's why i take it so serious,
too much, to the point of "out of reach, touch"
better off to be elusive, mysterious
with a hint of stand-offish allure, learned experience
like the ones I'm always drawn
the perfect opposite to my
"fall on my knees for and fawn"

as in gush over, glow
little hidden, heart on sleeve, shown
because i am not like that, with most
i try to be nice, but I'm detached,
removed, remote

the ones that make me work,
earn their love
once let in, like heaven
gift of a lifetime, from above

because they're the ones
i wish i could be like, am not
so back to the beginning
before the point is forgot...

trying to be a semi-decent, caring man
in a place, i so often, can't stand
we put each other, through hell,
and for what?

"work, work, work"
enslaved to schedules, "things"
and bank accounts stuffed

"i guess it's their way of floating
through this void, our reality",
a too wise for this world, man, recent, said
he, of the thinking, fearless mentality

it's inspiration of mind
and those touching, truly kind
that keep me trying,
while often filled with "give up",
can't wait, dying

yes, we all once, were kids
when all that mattered were dreams,
freedom, imagination, having friends

(and just maybe,
finding a lasting love, true
said the little boy, forever dancing,
a "valentine heart", love filled eyes,
through and through)


bowen hart roselli
22 july 2020
ringwald love

the weight of you
on me, is mine
the loss of you,
the passage of time

the two of us
in a room, trapped together
each with war wounds, lost dreams,
lived, before our endeavor

truth is only known, if revealed
scars are stars,
if released, salved, healed
all i am, is what i feel
and to those who inspire it,
the real magic, i kneel

but i, in the end, am alone inside me
long ago realizing, i will never be free
not while trapped,
this psyche, this skin
and so the long, slow march,
to my end, did begin...

twisted is, as "touched" becomes
the runner walks, the walker runs
towards a sun, a storm, an "other"
the comfort, chaos
of a brother, a lover

as that's what friends are, to me,
this bizarre
being, I'm aversive,
this "soul", "me"
so far...

away from "the normal",
I'm removed from myself
as if narrating a life
that doesn't belong to me,
but somebody else

yet there is no one here,
but me, this "my own"
and nowhere, "long haul"
have i found it, a home

I've tasted it, touched it
made love to, and fucked it
but when nightfall descends
there is no one else,
enamored of me, in equal, again...

friends are lovers
and lovers are gods
because i felt something so real,
so beautiful, heart fought

all the moments, head cocked the sky
detached, destroyed, as to "connect" is to fly
and like miracles, they appeared
beyond all the thinking, the questions
of "why"..

but none, could i claim
as my own, woman, man
like sex, but beyond
drenched in divine,
just simply being near them,
holding, split second, their hand...

is "together" just a teenage dream?
land of wounded, wanderlust extremes
is any "one" or feeling, thought, real?
built upon the alter of a heart
born to steal...

stolen, given, ripped out, compelled
regardless, this, "the fall", where i fell
upon the "knowing" i did feel alive
"love myself", while loving you so much
in your glance, your glow,
like the divine in "derive"

inspiration, insight, intelligence
immeasurable
amongst all the, "all the rest"
devoid of depths,
electric or pleasurable

i felt it, shared it, told it, the tale
the one, yes i loved you
and felt it without question or fail

then the return to earth,
from the skyward you inspired
those moments,
could i stay there forever?
if only this body, this being, rewired

to be the one
for yes, that day, did finally come
signed, sealed, delivered
a heroic "belong to you", done

you'd see me, as i saw you,
so powerful
right time, right place
the universe aligned in the allowable

girl or boy
or boy or girl
we wander here wanting what?
i cannot tell you, I'm not really here
in full, meant for this world

as what i see and what i feel
never quite matches up
to another's truth, what is real

so fire, walk with me
as i question
all the madness, magic
within, and without
split soul, second guessing..

why things come, seem to always go
the moments with you
i never wanted them to end
and would tear off each limb,
to live them, yes, once again

as if you didn't, already know
forever etched, here,
this heart,
blessed and bloodied
and, in fight, fearless, found
this timeless attempt here, to show..

you.

(alone)



bowen hart roselli
20 july 2020
ringwald love

one person's petty
is another's profound
one person's square
is another one's round
one person's lost
is another one's found
one person's pleasure source
is another one's pound

acutely aware
i have a mind of my own
i live with this, agonizingly
as i survive each day, in and out
one alone

one person's pity party
is another person's proud
one person's quiet
is another person's loud

I'd like to think i can trust myself
but so much has gone wrong,
this mind, strained by hell
the kind that comes from,
head first, diving in
to the wells of love and loyalty, heart
who knew that, here,
was the ultimate sin

I'm "like a girl",
or so they say,
who lives to please
and make your day

because i know, how awful
this place
what it feels like to be
last in the race

doesn't mean i'm a "snow", as in "flake"
I've survived muggings and beatings
and just a stupid little thing called
a few "sorta rapes"

life is hard, just harder for some
anyone "out there",
as in with a brain,
not blind, dumb

'cuz this place
wants you force fed and numb
one person's peach
is another one's plumb

you can always find me "exit sign"
searching, "escape plan", on the run

you can always find me
last on the list
as in "to do", "didn't bother"
or "oh shit, i forgot, yeah i had that bitch, done"

gazing at stars
or just plain
gazing to be gone

far away, as in, away from here
land of message,
"don't live, live in fear"
"be yourself, but don't be yourself"
cuz in order to fit,
you gotta be like everyone else

even if you suck at the game
that's ok, cuz they'll always need someone to blame
they'll always need a believer, "the bull"
it balances the scales,
those, "the intense", those "the dull"

so I'd just like to figure it out
for myself
stop needing "please believe me"
everyone else

one person's "sick"
is another one's sane
one person's loss
is another one's gain

one person's promise
is another one's pain
one person's sun
is another one's rain

I'm just one person confused
and daily struggle with the
"less than enthused"
feeling that not much here
matters anymore

one person's angel
is another one's whore....

I've been both, and trust me
it's really fucked, as in, fucked up, me
all i can do is walk, with,
across this divide

the one called the split inside
forever here, a prisoner

walking, chained
to the gang, my tribe
"blurred, fine line"



bowen hart roselli
20 july 2020
ringwald love

why didn't i figure this out sooner?

you're guide to being normal

(which means successful, loved, wealthy, happy, wanted and therefore beautiful too)

1. Every morning upon waking and throughout the day as a little reminder, refresher, chant to yourself:

"me, me, me, all my eyes, and insides can see, if not then I'd have two pairs of eyes, so obviously, it's only me"

2.  caring.

Care, but don't really care, about anything, anyone, too deeply or completely
(simply saying you care will get you through life just fine and the less you care, to the point of not caring at all, the better)

3. words.

Understand words don't have any value, soul or meaning, they're just something to fill the air space around others and strictly said to get your own way. Never take anyone's words seriously, or to heart, and they won't either, and then everyone is happy and good!

4. others.

Understand you are only around other people, not with them, very important.
"with" can cause creepy feelings (we'll cover those things next) that can make you think other people matter, while "around" means it's just you in the shared space of another "you", and that's what's called the truth to live and succeed by.

5. feelings.

Get rid of those things by any means necessary, they are your enemy. They are creepy. They get in the way of the only purpose you have, yourself. They are also not real, because if they were they would never change and remain constant, verifiable, like the days of the week or the money you have in your bank accounts.

6. love.

Another unverifiable, and only to be said or used to get something, get somewhere higher up than you currently are. 
 If someone says "i love you" it means they want something from you, are just bored and speaking words (refer back to #3),    are one of those "doormat people" looking to be used and treated like shit (that goes for people who seem to have feelings (#5)
and put out energy (that next) and emotions that equate being loving, caring (#2) towards you). The only people like that are the homeless, the poor and the dead. That's why they are known as "hopeless romantics", after all, and "care givers"too, those people live impoverished.

7. energy.

All energy must be saved, stored, spent on you, yourself only. It's necessary to look like your spending it on others, but use sparingly, and always for personal gain, otherwise that's called "wasted" and that isn't good. Consider it a part of the "energy conservation movement" and "being green". Green equates money, so remember that, that's a good thing, and the ultimate goal of everything, besides yourself.

8. relationships.

Apply all the above rules simultaneously and understand the "ships" at the end mean they are always sinking so your next ship can come in! The one that will take you farther, get you more. Higher, higher, higher up the ladder, always the goal.

9. friends.

Apply all rules above and make sure your phone, your facebook, all social media and the air space around you has plenty of them. They are basically bodies that you spend time with, text, on your time schedule only, in case you ever need something from them or can use them to get further up that ladder of life. Don't ever answer the phone if these people call. that's weird and that implies they are trying to use or take something from you. No phone calls except from your parents, if still alive (think of the inheritance, think of the will), your stock broker, your bank, your doctor or your latest relationship (those people tend to make you, and since your fucking them for gain, money, gifts and maybe a place to live -nice neighborhood, home only- then you have to allow it, occasionally.)

10.  sex.

A means to an end. Money, gifts, marriage (if it gets you more, gets you a better standing in life), momentary pleasure of the body, "a way in" to someone who can make your life better, more successful. If anyone ever calls you a whore, don't get mad   (no feelings, #5) don't say anything, but know it just means your successful. If anyone ever mentions "love" or having feelings afterward, assess what you can get from them, and if nothing, run for your life and block their phone number, these people are not future friends to use to your advantage, they are weird, they are nothing.

11.  family.

A burden we all carry. Apply all above rules except #9 and #10 (there's no money or success in incest, that's sad, and you don't have feelings remember - #5) and remember, think of the will, think of the inheritance. See your brothers and sisters, if you have them, as competitors and do what you can to take them out, if possible. If not, position yourself as the executor of any possible future estate, because they get extra for taking on that role. Cousins, nephews, nieces, useless, but if you have any aunts or uncles, definitely do what you can to maintain light, yearly contact, they might include you in their estate for doing so.

Normal is "it". Normal is now. Normal is right. Normal is everywhere. Normal...it's just...the norm. Conform. You know you really want to...right? Normal will make sure you sleep free  and easy at night. Normal will guarantee your future is bright. Success and prosperity at any cost. Normal. Learn it, absorb it, record it...to memory.....Sleep tight.



bowen hart roselli
24 july 2020
ringwald love

too intense for my own good
i should, i should
be made of wood

i shouldn't, shouldn't
care so much
i should be carefree!
a.k.a, "out of touch"...

but wait, but wait
i already am,
land of "do not give a damn"

land of left and land of right
lies and frauds, no end in sight..

"ultra-liberal", "ultra-tight"
asses, offended by any insight
that doesn't fit the agenda,
"the fight", to indoctrinate
"an anti-hate" state
that's filled with hate,
and smiles so fake..

misinformation, so "informative", so?
they'll only be happy
when we're all on skid row
then we'll all, be all, "the same"
fall in line, holding out palms,
"oooh, can't wait, look, a dime!"

given 'cuz we're so perfect 'n good
land of "never think"
that questionings' good..
gotta be polished, "politically correct"
or else you're alive, and then that's
labeled "a birth defect"..

to be "poster child-like", oh no!
"look what happens, we told you so!"
but we'll pity you, a glorified victim
vilified, from behind,
whispers, "look, what the right did, took 'em"
down a path called "on your own"
as in, decide for yourself,
"less bitch, more moan"

I'd rather be that
than a regressive progressive bore
no wonder fellow fags
don't like me anymore...

oh, I'm sorry, it's fellow "homosexuals"
is that still ok to say?
or has that been banned
as "ineffectual"

i don't know
and i don't give..
a fuck, i just wanna be free
and live...

in a country, less "cunt",
more comfy
without "proper behavior police",
offended, coming..

after me,
for just trying to live, "do my thing"
without the constant
"auto-corrective" sting..

"can't say this, gotta over-label that"
yeah, everyone deserves their turn
at bat

but that doesn't mean
that we're all winners...

please let me go hang
with the bastards and sinners
cuz I'm not "right",
and "supposed to be far left"
but I'm not really either,
so fucking shoot me
in my "pussy ass" chest..

but wait, you can't
cuz they took all the guns
and replaced 'em with "warm hugs"
that's no fun...

cuz i want to live in a world
called reality
but that's not happening
so then this, my mentality...

very few care, if i live or i die
that's just truth, doesn't make me cry
doesn't make me feel
I'm so god damn entitled
to think all my "friends"
will show up and cheer, my recital

the one i never had, "just for show"
the pics, social media, they were fake
don't ya know?

so yes, I'm "too real"
for my own good
and many things, i "just couldn't",
but could

couldn't play this shit,
they way "they" wanted
by "the far left, far right"
I've been pulled apart,
and confronted..

i mean, holy fuck,
isn't anyone, even human anymore?
do i have to be "picture perfect"
to knock on your door?

if yes, then I'm sorry,
then let's just "call it good"
cuz i just can't be, what they
demand that i should

I'm a "left middle right?" leaning guy
who happens to like getting fucked
and falling for, other dudes, men, guys

and yes, I'm aware
that makes me, the most vilified
for "my kind" to despise

cuz god forbid
we were more than a label
that won't getcha a seat
at the "beyond woke bitches" table

but it will get me going
towards the real place, i belong
with the "other ones" also
"not quite right", but so right
since we're, to the bullshit,
"so wrong"



bowen hart roselli
21 july 2020
ringwald love 

 the dysfunction junction
a place where the mind
makes a lot of assumptions

things you see, sense,
no acknowledgment at all
like a “sweet sixteen"
waiting anxiously by the phone
hoping the classmate bad boy
down the block, will call

because he hinted, that he might
as he fondled a chest, not quite fully there,
throwing her, his best rebel stare
she didn't seem to mind, or care

but she did, she just didn't let on
the things teenagers do
while dreams and days, still lived long,
like the swoon, in a "be mine", love song

there are many bodies,
milling about
the dysfunction junction
is what the truth is all about

a "welcome friends",
sign hangs in the air, alongside
"learn to live numb, learn not to care"

the last thing you want here
is your eyes open, aware
that something, is terribly "off"
at this station
normalized, the "not quite right",
also known as,
people to people relations

notice i did not say "human"
that's rarer than, sandpaper on skin
is known to be subtle and soothing

human means one is able to relate
to another, with emotions
in a "beyond themselves" state
things like empathy,
consideration, compassion
things that make the ship in relations
real, lasting

be them friends, romantic
or respectful stranger
the dysfunction junction
is the destination, stop, danger

warning signs flash
as all are there, wearing see through masks
masks that reveal, all are out for "the kill"
whether we realize it or not
we are all sold and bought

to the "after" in the "thought",
the dysfunction junction
a place we try to pretend, we forgot
as we scratch and claw
for our place, alone, we are tethered
the dysfunction junction
is the "leave now", before the "or"
is followed by, "you will never"

hard to do, since we've all got it
like a lesson in school
nobody taught you, but taught it
somehow, it's just part of our make up
like the "built in" in "brick wall",
selfish designs,
lead to the predestined break up

of so many couples
really not, really, joined deep at all
it's he amongst her
and her clawing him
and sally doing susie
and johnny fucking jim

there is no "love" to "make"
within the dysfunction junction partake
its a swarm of bodies
playing their shit out, on each other
pretending it's "a connection", but not
that requires real work, real thought

the lengths we go
to believe and deceive
ourselves, our "friends"
our "loves", families...

and that's the most,
feared word, of all
family, "god help us"
like "the cult", kool-aid called

drunk down and swallowed
picket fence, "babies, babies"
and a dog, you forgot to check,
that frothing at the mouth,
"do you think that might be rabies?"

kids pumped out,
like mom's taking a shit
"it's what everyone does",
so we must, of course,
suck on the same tit

the one that's been, milked dry
and turned sour
the dysfunction junction
more packed by the hour

it's grueling work,
to walk life alone
no one, "on the daily"
to blame, betray, bitch and moan

but I've found,
while "just slightly", dysfunctional myself,
the deepest of souls,
on the "alone" path, as well

some are married,
some are not
most have families,
some kids, some not

but one thing separates
these souls, from the others
there is "something" inside
they aren't just people,
they are humans and lovers

of having a mind, a heart, soul, of their own
and while they may be with,
or surrounded by others
innately they are travelers, sensitive, alone

slightly dysfunctional too,
as no one alive here, is truly immune
but when arriving at the junction
they said, "fuck this, I'm through"..

acting this, and playing that
I'll do my own thing,
take my chances, "what's that?"

that's called an individual
with an electricity, presence of their own
they speak their own language,
see things for themselves,
truths, insights, unknown

by anyone else
until the gift, called,
found here, rare, them
and this then, the meaning
real togetherness, when...

you can recognize
a fellow singular being
and that's when love strikes you
as if the lights, suddenly turned on,
you are seeing...

yourself, in a mirror
that isn't just a one way, but two,
fucking miracle..

far away
from the dysfunction junction
things can actually be quite pure
sweet, truly endearing

and

beautiful.

it's not about using
and taking, for the take
it's not about abusing
harming, the delicate skin
covering the heart, psyche,
what's at stake

is the reality, truth
we all secretly want love, and to be known
but not by those trained, stationed,
the dysfunction junction,
they've been proven, to be shown

to be shit stirrers and users
and manipulators, many
at the dysfunction junction
the herd is flocking, not thinning..

so do what you can,
run, avoid that place
or else you will vanish,
your sense of self obliterated,
without a trace

it doesn't vibe "happy!",
and it's does jive, "good"
but the dysfunction junction
shows you the way..

that "shouldn't be",
becomes "yes it should"..
by all those buying and selling
it's lie

turn away, do the best you can
it's called, in the end,

the courage to try,
and not blame yourself,

lost forever...

in why.

(some of us here, this place,
never really our home,
but we got here somehow,
and with each other, we found,
not quite, exactly..completely...alone)



bowen hart roselli
23 july 2020
ringwald love