replaying the film
in my mind
rewinding, pausing, a thousand times.

looking for traces, searching for clues.
who really, were you,
and what was the truth

like a belief in beauty, broken
vanished, gone, once come unglued

feeling i could believe in you.
oceanically deep, gorgeous to bone,
i sensed you, i thought, powerfully true.

until that truth showed itself, but illusion
your "exclusive on elusive"
became a secret telling intrusion

like the whispers from an "other",
present in the room.
showing me what i could not see,
my wanting of you, the game, you feed.

pouring my depths
as others would pour of the bullshit to impress
you'll take the rest of them, for the win
leave me in a longing, confused.
perpetual state of confess and undress.

i will become
stronger than my memory of you.

no choice, devil now known.
the best of me (heart)
for the worst of you,
proved.



written 10.30.2018