****WARNING, NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT IN ANY WAY...IF EASILY OFFENDED, PLEASE DO NOT READ*****



i'll be a fucking saint for you
'cuz this is all i know, to do
when the feeling of love, it swells, in "true"
i'll endure every bruise, til i'm black and blue

i'll put up, with all your lies
your daily search, addicted thighs
dependent on your cock, like air
yet alone, you end up, and i'll still be there

i don't know why, it doesn't make any sense
you've done some shit, that would make satan wince
you're in and out and all around
but when i saw you, heaven was found

in your "odd", and you're just plain "freak"
i'm feeling things, no words can speak
i'm sitting here waiting, for your light bulb to turn
on, so that my soul, stops, this burn

burning, as in, burning up, for you
let's do this shit, let's shine on through

let's just admit
there was "something more"
i surprised you, not just another, monosyllabic whore
more than just, the latest trick
your treats, they hit me, like a ton of bricks

i was blown away, by you, your being
and god forbid, you felt it, seeing

that my heart, shined in my eyes
listening to, your "speak", so wise
not just talk to win "my prize"
the one you shot in, owned, between my thighs

the one you already had, in the kitchen
blew you, without one "quit your bitchin"
didn't whine, or complain, not once
could've bent there, longer, as in weeks or months

'cuz i've been through enough shit, "me too"
and it's turned me, twisted,
so i'm perfect for you

i can take a good rape,
like you're "hung, me", "draped"
we two, we, go well together,
you won't hear me cry, "not again", not ever

i'm nobody's victim
and i'm sick of blaming the past
a good recipe for, your possessive control, built to last

i'll be your bitch
and your pussied, boy
with a brain, all the things,
here, to bring you joy

as in, not one time, then get up and leave
this is called , "please, forever", see,
you make me grieve...

because you decided
i was just too real
surprise, what's that?
i made you feel.

something more than the typical pair
of legs you flung, slung in the air.
of asses you arched, from the back, to objectify
and i took it all, heard me moan, never cry

and, guess what?
my "jig" is up
i'll tell you one more thing
and then shut the fuck up

when you sent me off in a lyft,
you were looking to see, if it would cause a rift
didn't flinch or bat, an eye
i played your game, with a barely a sigh

i've got another confession, then i'll shut this door
when you did that, heard, the message,
"be gone little bitch, like a turned out whore"
it only made me love you more

because i can handle, all your "issues", in mind
and i can take it all, and still be kind, from behind

because i know, you're a fucked up man
and i was born to take your hand
because, i'm a fucked up boy, in truth

let's blame it on my tortured youth

we can blame it on whatever you want
just drill me deep, and call me your cunt

you can call me every name in your book
just cast the line, make me your hook

the secret, i know. your someone, truly special
there's more in your ship, than an empty vessel

there's more to your madness, than meets the eye
you're my joe dimaggio, hear, "your marilyn" cry

out for you
let call this "through"
as in i'm the one, you've been searching for, true

as in loyal to, the bitter end
so, this song, to your heart, i send
come back soon, and leave me, never
"i know i like you better,
'cuz we did sleep together"

so says mother, deborah iyall
i studied her, sweet, so i could be your gal

her "romeo void",
it taught me, a lot
how to get fucked deep,
and still be cool and hot

how to stay strong, too
and never give up
as in "never say never",
i will be your pup

your "bruised eye. on beautiful", boy
as in my job, your blow, jocked joy

i will be your partner, in every crime
watch me lie on the stand,
and turn every dime

do everything , that you want me to do
when i saw your face
i knew i was 'done for" and through

so wake up soon
and lets' "get on"
i'll lick your floors, 
"teeth mow" your lawn

i don't really mind
as long as i'm with you

you're the vow that i'll take,
as in, love, yes...

i do.



11 june 2019
ringwald love

your rejection
my inner glow, erection
heart inspection
light detection

i can't love someone
unless you're just like me,
complex, complicated
and too blind too see...

that love can be found
and love can be had
it doesn't have to be over when things get bad
i love it that your sheets are plaid

doesn't have to be frightening
doesn't have to cause tightening
of one's teeth, to strike back, in attack
running, for the ruin, of the things we lack

like belief in the tender
the good intentions, the sender
the ability to hold,
without fear, it getting old

i love you
because you broke the mold
didn't surrender your soul, as we are told
that to do, to get through
and get by, hollow eyed
these are the reasons, deep inside, i have cried

about and for
and surprised, even more
because of, in spite of
welcome to awakening,
state of being, called love

as in, you
it is true
it is deep, not at thing called "cheap"

hurt, and heal, these layers i peel
not something i can shut off,
it's plain and simple, it's real

so yes, you can run, to the end of the earth
find every reason, to disbelieve, all my worth
find a dozen more challenges to conquer
taste their tongued and "timed up" offers

fuck and suck every body you can
but i'll still be waiting,
here, my heart, in your hand

i'm not psychotic
and i'm not a stalker
i'm not your nightmare
and i'm not betty crocker

i'm just a boy, who found you,
unexpected
and saw, there's a light, deep in you,
undetected

as in, who the fuck
has ever loved you, like me?
just give me a chance
and my god, you will see

that i will stick,
where others have left
as in, around
not leave you broken, bereft

i just know,
there's a "knowing", inside
that you are the one
whose truth i can feel, and abide

that you make me glow
where all the others, don't flow
and you "just get"
what all the others, can't know

me,
just by instinct,
as in "ual"
cause my knees to drop and drool

me, raw, exposed
my heart of fire, it grows
quenched, your ever confident hose

the only one
who can touch my rose
yet,
the only one blind
to what everyone knows

that this shit is real
all the things, "your magic", i feel
and this shit is happening
beyond the both of us
one day you will stand,
and i'll be there to kneel

before you and offer
everything i can give
and fuck us both
if we don't take the chance
and finally, live

"emerge to merge"
is what you said
and now, that shit's stuck in my head

this is not an obsession
or the manic side of a deep depression

it is called true love
i have finally found
it's you, god (don't) damn it
like the "go" in "around"

wake up, ill be waiting
patiently, plucked
to believe in another, i'm "shit out of luck"
an end to all the "dating and baiting"
just for you, lets' call it, "fate-ing"

as in, just something
that was meant to be
not just "you", not just "i"
but the "just right", that fits, our "we"

my love, it was born for you,
"spirit of sassa"
stay strong, stay true
don't question, as in "ask a"..

"nother", why this, "is", just true
both our favorite color is blue
and both of us
can't be loved, "in the regular"
to the goddess of love, i bow
and i beg of her

to send some angel
to send you a dream
that enlightens you to waken
don't be afraid, the you, in me

i'm not here to cause you harm
i just want die, your dreamboat, driven, arms

i just want to live, here
to please all your wants
i just want to give
without take, you, false fronts

i want nothing more
than to be your manwife and whore
learn to cook
and leave the past at the door

learn to belong,
deep in you, make it true
that merging together
forms a "one", from our "two"

now i'll shut up
and let you ball gag
your collared fag

as you learn to let go
of all the things you "red flagged"

as reasons not to believe, me, right for you
from the moment i heard you, i knew i was screwed

beyond your flaws, your shit as in "bull"
of love and wonder and hopes, just for you

you are the meaning,
"make a wish, it came true"



11 june 2019
ringwald love

"


when my shit turns, asylum.
(our tribe of fucked up souls)


when my shit turns asylum
most will run, no thought, no care
like the couldn't be bothered, find the truth, in the dare
as to, the reason why, then
i'm a slave, of the "touch your heart", blend

that's just the nature of the beast
like a smorgasbord, a gang banged feast
that "the many" will wait in line to devour
without connection to anyone
but themselves, stuffed, empowered

no concern for anything
but themselves, their needs
like a drought drenched garden
of flowerless seeds

planted, but devoid of the water
no awareness to grow,
an afterthought,
"the reaping of sow"

it's "on to the next"
buffet to corral
like the golden ones, good, gone
pigs, left to gnarl on the bowels

of insides, be damned
it's all "outsides", this sham
of a lie, the majority not a "brotherhood of man"
then, left the minority who feel,
we, the "get up and ran"

for the hills
for the skies
for the shadows,
to hide

any place safe, and away from the slaughter
of soul and heart, truth and art
taking place, name her, the apocalypse's daughter

hmmmm...
let's kneel and pray,
what to call her..
who's holding the leash, who's wearing the collar?

who's actually picking up the phone, hear your voice?
as in calling you, real effort, see?
it's not a matter of convenience,
it's the "connect, real", a choice.

but who wants that
when all the "getting's so good, guy"
as in everything, you think you want
without stopping to breathe, or ask yourself why?

when your shit turns, asylum

there is no one there to comfort your cries
there is no one there to heal the wound of the lies
there is no one there to kiss and bathe in, your eyes
there is no one there to hold the "exhaust" in your sighs

but just a precious and sacred few
like the "831" in i love you.
eight letters, three words, one meaning
it's not just a sentence, it's an actual feeling,

and it's not a given, it's called a gift
like heaven, throughout all the chaos and shifts

of moments and tasks
the reality, that little here
of substance, does last

not in a world of bodies, by the billion
you're blessed here to find, still alive inside,
that "one in a million"

add technology to it
and deaden, with ease
the "stop, soak in, and feel it, please."

anything and anyone
who actually sees and feels you, for you
the new "terrify and mystify"
the "kill it off", before the truth

comes crashing in
and knocking on your door
it's "let's rape the angel"
and sanctify, the soulless whore

the one that just wants the sheet, of your skin
without capability, or caress, "look within"

to the you that is hiding,
behind, all the "hard  cocked",
and riding
the limbs and holes
of other pre-lubed, pre-forgotten trolls

we are all here now prisoners
of pre-projected, pre-defined roles

the leader
the follower
the hollowed
and hollower

the boss
the "tossed"
the flossed
the lost

the saint
the "ain't"
the faint
the taint

as in "ed",
voted most likely
to be left, long, for dead

but amongst all of these
there is a tribe of empaths
who define "live to please"

as in care for others,
beyond the care of themselves

in a state of being, now mamed
called "selfless"

please let them show you a place called hell.

as in being this way,
ever naturally so
and having to navigate a world
more of "me", less "we", shown

as in bonds so deep
they define love,
real, complete

as in, "got your back"
like you've got mine
as in, live to help you endure, heal
and shine

i shall call this,
"our tribe of fucked up souls"
we, the "lived for love"
as in "to give", no roles

or pretense of gain,
no causation, bring pain

the "just want to take care",
here,of others, and share
in the experience of being
all too awake and aware

that this is not
the place we are told
shamed and scorned for growing old

it's a backwards land,
and don't you forget it

when my shit turns, asylum
at least i'm honest, admit it

the man i love, cannot love me back
yet i'm compelled to take care of him
endure the weight, his attack

of hit and run,
then leave, then come
around again,
but he can't see why
i will never give up,
i will remain steadfast and try

to show him, in steady
i am waiting and ready
to be the one that will not abandon,
like he's done to me
i just want to stay, he's in me
take his hand, heart, be free

and introduce him,
my tribe of fucked up souls
he will see himself, be himself
in our heart bleeding holes

made from rips and stabs
and push, shove and grabs

all too often, used up, and left
but it's us who's crazy
the damaged sensitive, bereft

that shine,
like divine
in the dark,
light,
"be mine"

and i, and we, and us
will be there, in truth

when my shit turns, asylum
it's because i am shaken,
to the core,

i love you.

(as in, you throb, deep inside me, let this truth, be the guide, to "we")




9 june, 2019
ringwald love

for my sacred tribe, whom i could not survive, this life.

christy, christopher, christina, tania, terah, julie....

catherine, jo-lynn, the beloved babs, brian, marie, julie....monica..the angel man know as lew lew bird.

for stephanie, you personify the lifelong wonder, the beauty, the mystery...

for the goddess kitten anissa, my everything.

and for "him",
yes, i'll wait in the forever, for "when"...

     "you're so good, you're no good"
                  
                 -chinese proverb


there once lived a boy named donnie
and he was blessed with something called a heart.
It was as big as the sky, in his favorite color of blue,
but it was also cursed,
etched in the darkness of a pitch black night,
blinding him, branded,
"born to be screwed".

Literally and psychically, from both holes and hallways,
destined to be touched, by an untouchable "always"..
As in, if he loved you, in deep, he loved you complete,
soaked you in, like stars,
and paid the price in scars.
Scars of the wound of "caring too much"..
he watched as you walked away, with another, as such...

He awakened to find, time and again,
his heart was his captor,
and his ultimate sin.

"one is not supposed, to give others, such power, as to destroy and alter, ones perception of hours"
minutes and days,
watch him, as his soul, it strays,

trying to understand
why there is no one, lasting,
to hold his hand,
in a place called "the paradise of rape and lonely",
he was haunted by a feeling and a vision, "his only"...

as in "the one", he watched, all of his lovers, did find...
but for him, all he found were more "splits" in his mind...

a mind that could not handle the pain, of being himself, all the love, bled in vain...
for his goddesses and gods, haunting, forever, his thoughts,
and "the dark ones", the liars, and the takers, he bought..
as in their stories, of care, for him, in falsehood, stripped bare..

stripped him, skinless, naked, to nothing,
these dark ones, so drawn to, that he never saw coming...
in the end, the destruction of him,
a slave to the wants, of love and belonging, again..

as in "time and time", until he died, lost his mind.
just could not live with, again, the dangle of hope, "not this time"..
As in "almost did", but never did, come true.
.his dream of being loved, by a man of same, bruise, hued, filmic black and baby blue....
Aaaah, but the secret is, he really did find him,
but lost him, again, blame his heart, shame his kindness..

if only he could've gotten grasp, of this game.
Hide your soul, give your hole,
and realize everyone is hiding behind a defined personage and role.
That allows them the cover, to claim and covet, find their "sacred other"...
not an endless sea of changing sheets, faces, "lovers"...
with promises made, destined to turn away, fade..
from his life, but not his being, donnie died, from the truth, for the final time, seeing..
that his love, it devours, as his loved, gains in power..

and once filled up and "had" of him,
comes the "turn away", without remembrance,
when all he wanted, in the end, was this...

to be remembered. and found.
He could not be forgotten.
Just like he never forgot all those lovers who got him.
Captured his mind and melted his heart.
All the pretty boys and pretty girls, who shined before him, wondrous works of art...
so donnie has died, like that "candle, in wind", extinguished, his fire, gushing glow, found its end..

In the man who said his kryptonite was "passionate, intelligent men"
with a body, framed and built, just like the one donnie lived in..
but the man disappeared and the meaning, message, quite clear...
donnie, "such a sweet boy", damned by this exact, so endeared...
as to cause his dream, man of reality, to abandon,
all the words spoken, all the wants of him, happened...

So just let him go, as he's been let go, once too often...
let him return to a heaven, where his torment is softened.
and soothed by the "save, and salve", other side...
in the arms of a man, "angel-ed", in him,
found his home, with nothing left to hurt, or hide.




8 june 2019
ringwald love

no consistency but chaos
like the dentist always changing
what is the best dental floss
or the rinse and spin cycle
before the brain, it is washed

one day it's this,
the next day it's that
always two steps away
from the rug being pulled,
out from under
watch the "wel" turn to "how", in the "come"
on the matt

as in asking, eternal
how and why?, burn infernal
there is no rhyme, if there is no reason
yes, the climate has changed
call it the "free for all" season

is he saying to you, the same things, "tricked",
everyone else?
the soul of words, sobbing,
as they are sent, straight to hell

one second, "enamored"
then in the split, found, forgotten
there is a tighter ass, a leaner frame
in things made of leather,
not 85 percent cotton

the ability to communicate
orgiastically, demmodulate
with the obliterate
of any truth, obligate

as if hundreds of thousands
have entered me, and came
shot their load, and then shit
talked it out of me, same

as in it's all too easy
to say anything and everything, you want
fantasize and proselytize
and then vanish
like a lewded and pillaged, store front

one whose windows
once glistened and gleamed
"walk through me, want me"
"i'm so pretty, so come in and see"

but now it's been robbed
of what once gave it promise

walk past, and ignore
for another, it's a long list.....

of shopping for bodies
and shipping out, fast
sifting through the wreckage
seems to be the only "relation ship", that lasts

trying to make sense of it all,
clear, an actualized vision, a path
pray that there is one
more "reap of reward",
less of wrath

the heart and value
of communication
raped and ruined,
upon, investigation

we are all doing, what we don't want done
to us, death of trust
and loyalty, like the sun

that we know will always
arise, in the morning
who believes anymore
in the eyes of just one, worth adoring

whole heart, whole mind
whole being, "star seeing"
them, aligned, like a gift
now misread texts, causing rifts

and ruptures, that make
it easy to turn, away, and even better, to fake
all the reasons inside
there is a "run", for the "hide"

behind walls fabricated
of glass and technology

actually feel and mean
what you say, you are damned
alone, a stranger of "the strange", an anomaly

in the smorgasbord
of real intimacy, whored
and pimped, for the "scrabbled"
and best received, in form, "babbled"

as in easy, in the "disposed of"
watch the angels cry, fallen, here
on the death and destruction of love

nothing left to do
but raise your head and look above
to the sky and wonder why
you aren't needed and you are never enough

to be soul seen and felt
and believed and recieved

as the one to give up for
the sword and shield of decieve

"you're so good, you're no good"
she said
you make it too easy for them
in your "give your all, believe"

and then spend your time wondering,
of your "give" where is the return, the recieve

it's not anywhere, bonded, in "lasting"
that i've found

and so emptied, of "illuminate"
here in past loves, lost, i've drowned

waiting to be wanted, reflected, here, found

again

this is written, in the longing of "him",
a secret wish, his heart
i am praying, my soul enslaving

i'll win.

(his "lasting", not leaving, bond, believing....achieving)



17 may 2019
ringwald love

selfish beings,
i never learned
as if the right to autonomy
i did not earn.

call it an absence,
a deficiency of confidence
and with it, my prosper,
i could not get on with it.

what is this bizarre
thing that we're doing
bodies parading, around each other
for "building assets" and the transaction of screwing

as if only connecting
when in the literal, "limbed"
and all else, an illusion
of the mind, "please suspend"

all disbelief
for the sweet in relief
of believing in "connect"
of being a witness, not a suspect

to the crime of taking
from another, for gain
building ones' portfolio on the profit of pain

the kind you cause another,
on the ladder
stomping and stepping on souls,
doesn't matter

all that does, is the means to the end
success of self is the "breathe for", we bend

and crawl and clamor
and "silver screen" and glamour
as in "eyes", on the prize
and then, nothing else matters

just pretense for propagate
the forgotten fool, is the one who waits

around
for some "one"
to notice and care
the value and victory
a heart stripped bare

believing in the spiritual
as the forefront of life
is to wake up one day, lost
like a 1950's husband-less wife

who believed her sole purpose
as to "stand by her man"
but he went, "the hooker instead"
took the ring from her hand

and pawned it, to pay
for something more dirty, depraved

and left her, in abandon
to regret, insecurity, enslaved

to think, she, a "could've been"
if only she was a "born to win"
the kind that attracts,
"soul said, man of her dreams"
think less, "jack the ripper"
and more, handsome heart, harry reems

as in, balance of energy
between light and dark
and a vision, more focused
less, "gone astray", on a lark

of love, to the winds
and the gods, did she throw
herself,
caution, to the wind
long term, little did she know

that a moment of fate
would stick, her forever
blinded, by the beautiful
damned, the choices she would make

partake.
in "the one thing",
and "problematic", then, another
this is no place for hesitate
upon the limbs of the "longed for" lover

it's follow forward, while you can
or watch as another takes the other's mastered hand
on the lark of love
there is a rule,

reprimand.

those who don't learn their lessons,
get the best of them
and those who don't grow,
have even less, then, to show...

when the lark of love
sings its song,
it's time to listen, feel, bestow,
"just know"...

(this is for the man, here,
now towering,
"came for" and calling
known, "chiseled, his chest",
C.E.O.)




16 may 2019
ringwald love