american fag.

50 states
for 60 rapes
stars and stripes
for all the assaults, bruises, swipes

physical, verbal
mental, sexual
such is the fate, american fag
dickless, spineless, effete, ineffectual

at self containment,
self control,
"watch that wrist",
limp, and crossed legs,
"be a man and learn the role"
or else, be warned,
you're a used up hole

a vestibule, for abuse,
in endless,
normalized, "needy bitch"
the message, "you did this"

brought it, all on, and in, yourself
pedophiles, perverts,
jocks and jugheads
fucked with, and fucked,
in flurries of furious,
then basically, "better off",
left for dead.

but die, I didn't
just split apart,
for the game, "get back in it"
what's a tortured "twinkle toes" to do?
learn to only feel alive, when screwed.

it's called, the need to know
I was not invisible,
personalities, "paralaxed"
like a decimal, divisible

strange, the things,
a mind, estranged from the heart
will do, the lengths to be "loved",
horse, cart

as in, which one came, before the other?
was it the man down the block,
or the best friend of my brother?

trained, to take it all, no matter
how bloody and brutal,
the attempts to climb up the ladder

the one, reach the top,
you will finally be loved
the one, from the bottom,
says "climb me, a real man
would never give up"

but it's greased, like a whore pole
slide down, again, and again,
sell your soul

for another chance,
fallen, fractured romance
some bruised, battered, good bad boy
holds the key, coined "the dance"

that taunts and teases
"I think I could, be,
finally seen, understood"
but he turns away, just another illusion
delusional darling, me
don't you get it?, can't you see?
born to love, but drilled, like wood

"and this is how you walk and talk",
"and this is how you run, girl",
mocked

"and this is why you exist, suck cock"
"and this is why you are a door,
for the knock"

of every kind of man, imagined
but real, it's true,
things the lucky can't fathom

sick shit happens,
and "the twisted", stays
embedded within,
desperate, the need for escape

into a world
of "pretty boys and pretty girls",
"book of loved", like Susan sang
"heaven from earth", known
for those, all too familiar, "the hang"

of judgements, projections
denunciations, rejections
the utter lack of real humanity,
reflections

american fag,
american made
just a sissy, a tinker bell
for the easy slay, and the lay.

down
and out
and throw about

poke and prod
and probe, without

a second thought,
"whatever happened to him",
"I heard he was beaten and fucked,
some guy Jim"..

"no, I heard he wanted it, good,
just as a worthless american fag should"

whatever the probable "didn't happen",
conversation, could be
this american fag,
filled with stripes and stars
you'll never see

not in a world,
never truly safe,
to be me

so then, multiplied,
50 stated times,
this american fag,

forever, a prisoner,
of the heart,
lost his mind.

yes, I had, and have one, truth
remembrance, the love,
I experienced in youth

purity, tenderness
yet, twice, once, removed
spent ten lifetimes
trying to give, love, and prove

that me, and we, this "I", and all
was more than just a good fist
receptacle, for calls

in the secret of day
or the stripping, of night
some things remembered,
not forgotten, "in flight"

you never know
the seeds you sew
in the mind of another,
how they feed, how they grow

so,
this fag, made, america
shows

what comes around,
it cums, and goes

but still here, am I,
whether filled with imported
secrets and cries

cries I cry, to my "selves", alone
forever in search of a heart,
call me home.

it's not here,
not in america, or earth,
somewhere, some guy
could he still love me?,
see worth?

I guess we'll see,
fuck you, fuck me

this american fag,
tagged, already bought, sold

we'll see.



bowen hart roselli
29 march 2020
ringwald love